A high octane chat with the great Roy Molloy
Chatting ANZAC relations, public transport, and the wisdom of Russell Crowe with one of the true legends of the music game.
Kia ora,
Thanks for all the love on my previous dispatch on how my early music career was almost destroyed by a run in with Vanilla Ice.
Now, for another tale about a person with superstar charisma.
Every so often you meet a person who rocks your world.
Whether through a twinkle in their eye, the pep in their step, or the eloquent and joy-filled passion with which they tell a yarn - this person immediately goes from stranger to absolute legend in your eyes.
So it was when I met Roy Molloy, the famed business partner and sax-man for the 21st century’s greatest showman, Alex Cameron.
I got to know Roy when I opened for him and Alex in New Zealand earlier this year.
Since that time I have been plagued with Roy-withdrawals, desperate to see him again.
So like the Machiavellian prince I am, I used this Substack as a thinly veiled excuse to have a yarn with one of my favourite yarners in the game.
We discussed ANZAC relations, his past as the greatest Tram conductor in Australasia, the wisdom of Russell Crowe, and much more.
Much Love,
D.C.
P.S. follow Russell Crowe’s advice and follow Roy Molloy on Instagram!
A high octane chat with the great Roy Molloy
When I video-called Roy Molloy, the man was in hot pursuit of stolen goods.
Clad in wraparound sunglasses, driving a beautiful early 2000s luxury sedan, his eyes peeled on the sidewalks, trawling the mean streets of downtown Denver, Colorado looking for a stolen dress.
His friend’s fancy dress had been stolen under the cover of night. Information pointed to the dress’s potential location to a street in downtown Denver, where the alleged thief had fled to either wear or fence the dress.
Roy had been asked to solve this sticky problem, and had spent the day door knocking strangers houses to ask if anybody knew anything about a stolen dress.
So our interview took place while Roy, like a hound on the hunt, drove the streets, peering out over his dark glasses, looking for any clue that could lead him to the missing dress.
I just wanted to lay out the interesting circumstances of our chat. And the brilliance of Roy Molloy to be such an amazing yarner while in the midst of a complex investigation.
D.C. Maxwell: I wanted to talk to you about being Australian. Because you are a lovely genuine guy, but I was frightened when I first met you and I heard your Aussie accent.
I think New Zealanders are so keyed up when they hear an Aussie accent, that they think they are going to be teased and mocked and lied to.
But now I live here, no one is teasing or mocking me. Which got me thinking: Is this just some big conspiracy from the NZ Government trying to stop everyone moving to Australia?
Roy Molloy: Firstly, Australia is a country of liars. And even if we don’t know we are lying, we are all going along with a grand cosmic lie, you know what I mean?
So, yes you are being lied to in Australia. 100%.
But as for teasing, I would never tease a New Zealander. Ever.
D.C: I actually believe that. I was racking my brains to try and think of a single instance of teasing when we were hanging out, but I think you were only ever kind to me.
RM: I wouldn’t do it. I worked with these two New Zealand guys, lovely boys. But we were driving along one day and some road workers yelled something at us, and they were out of the van in a flash. Before I could even think of a witty comeback, they were over there bashing these guys. Just bopping their heads together.
After that I learned to never tease a New Zealander.
D.C: There is one Australian etiquette thing I want to get your take on… You were a Tram Conductor in Sydney for a number of years, right?
RM: Yes sir.
D.C. Is it true that you were the best tram conductor in Sydney?
RM: Well actually, in 2016 I was the best Tram Conductor in all of Australasia.
D.C. Holy shit, that’s amazing. How is that judged?
RM: I think people would write in. They used to get a lot of letters from old ladies saying ‘I met the loveliest man on the tram, he helped me with X,Y and Z’. I think that went a long way to getting me that award.
I really was totally fucking ridiculous out there. I love the trams. I love the city of Sydney. So the sense of honour I had getting the fine folks of Sydney where they were going, it felt at the time like my life’s honour. I truly loved it.
D.C: I’ve been in Melbourne now for a few months, and here the tram drivers are behind a wall locked off from the public. Was it different in Sydney?
RM: Well unfortunately Sydney has since gone the way of Melbourne. But back in my day there would be two people on the tram; the driver, and the conductor. The conductor would walk along with a device that would sell people a ticket.
But beyond the selling of the ticket there was so much more to the conductor. If you were on the tram late at night, it was nice to have a conductor there half asleep up the other end of the tram, or at the crack of dawn to say ‘Good Morning. Welcome to the Sydney light rail’.
D.C: I can see the glimmer in your eye, and hear the passion in your voice, which honestly makes me nervous to ask my next question…
RM: Go ahead.
D.C.: I am new to trams, I want to be a good citizen, but I am seeing a lot of people jumping on the trams and not paying the fare. I just wanted to get your take on it because I know you love trams but I also know you are a bit of an anarchist.
RM: When the Sydney light rail had conductors they had extremely high fare retention. Word on the street is now they have gone the way of Melbourne, fare retention has dropped to 50%.
I’m an anarchist sure, but I’m the kind of anarchist where I am like give the boys a job. If there’s a pot hole give someone a shovel and pay them to go fill that cunt up.
So if theres no conductor, not some young dog greeting you as you get on the tram, theres just this mysterious terminal where you are meant to tap your card. I say dodge it if you can.
DC: Phew. I am very glad you said that, I was sweating. If you had said a big speech on civic duty of paying your tram fare, my heart was going to be beating fast and I hoped you wouldn’t see my own tram evasions in my eye.
RM: I will talk trams all day with you by the way, I’ll go as long as you like.
DC: To stay on the topic of heavy machinery, talk to me about cranes. What is that about, how did that start for you?
RM: Cranes started because I was working with a girl who I thought was great who had a Twitter. And I though, ‘shit I’ve got to get a twitter and I’ve got to start being funny on this motherfucker.’
I had to think of a username, and I just thought MarvelousCrane was two funny words that went together.
Only later did I realise how much I was inspired by the visage of cranes upon the horizon in early morning Sydney.
But then someone sent me a photo of a crane, and I shared it and said yes, marvellous, I love this. Then it kind of snowballed. More and more people started sending me cranes. I started seeing cranes everywhere I looked.
Through this odd vortex of excitement, beauty, marvellousness, I came to run the largest user supported crane account on the internet.
DC: Your instagram?
RM: Yeah man, lots of crane accounts follow me. None of them do the numbers I do.
DC: Can I talk to you about Russell Crowe?
RM: Its only one of my favourite things to talk about, the fact that Russell Crowe knows us and knows our music.
DC: Because in doing a bit of research for this I was reminded of the moment when you saved a boy in the surf off of Rockaway Beach. And when the world was celebrating you, it was not just the New York news that sung your praises, but Russell Crowe himself.
RM: That was a strange 24 hours. Russell was a recent addition to the crew at the time, so when I saw him post about it I was like what the hell is going on?
DC: Well as a New Zealander that also has come over to the beautiful country of Australia to try and make art, I look up to Russell Crowe as a path to follow - What can I do to eventually become an Australian national treasure?
RM: We all should really look to our elders for signs of whats to come. For Russell it seems that what he has done has been a super magnetic guy, and fucking crush it as an actor and everyone will love you and that’s that.
But in addition to that, what I have seen from Russell, is he got a lot of help, a lot of people put faith in him. What he has done in turn, is seemingly helped every Australian artist he can get his hands on.
He has not coveted his success, he has spread the love. Family style. Busting open the 20 piece wing box for everyone.
DC: The world is pretty dark at the moment. What makes you smile in this grim and evil time?
RM: Sometimes the cynicism of it all kind of cracks me up. As ever I am such a cheesy fucking cunt, but it literally is the simplest dumbest things, like a conversation with my friend. Like I’m smiling right now, its nice to talk. It’s nice to have a yap.
POST SCRIPT:
Currently listening to: Link Wray by Link Wray
Currently Reading: Bel Canto by Ann Patchett (actually finished this but wanted to shout it out because it made me laugh and cry, and what more could you want in a book!?)
Currently watching: 90 Day Fiancé Season 10.
If you want to support my music these are a few options:
Buy the album/merch from Bandcamp!
Share the songs with a friend who might be into it!
Follow me on Instagram
Loved this - could have been 10x longer, I still would've hoovered it all up xxx